Aug. 9th, 2019

xp_shadowcat: (profile)
Every time I see the COH pop up in the news (which happens far too often, even if it is on the back page or a line somebody typed on Reddit), I remember a funeral in Chicago.

It was an old friend of mine from ballet class. She and I stayed in touch, not a lot but a line here and there in email. But we're the same age so when she was killed at the age of 23, it hit me hard. Real hard. She'd never said she was a mutant but then again, I guess I should also say that she never said she wasn't. And the way things are, the way they've always been, should I fault her for that?

But either way, I still don't know if she was. Certainly no one expected it when we first heard the shouting outside the walls of the church.

Her mother hadn't started crying yet. That woman managed to hold it together all through the service, even when people started talking about Julie and the things we remembered about her whether it was how she used to wear mismatched socks on purpose or the time that she saved another kid from drowning at her own birthday party. (Well, kind of. It was pretty shallow water.) I followed Julie's parents out the doors of the church and when they stood there and saw all these signs... It was then that Lorraine started to cry.

I can't describe what it feels like, to see something like that. White sign after white sign after white sign. A wall of hate. Messages for someone who might not have even deserved them. Messages that were actually meant for someone like me.

My mother was there and she held my hand so hard that I could barely feel my fingers. Later, I'd open my palm and see little half-moons from her fingernails in it. My head started aching like it used to when I wasn't much more than a kid and she knew it, I could tell. She just kept repeating over and over, "Just walk, Kate. Keep walking."

I did. But now I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd phased. Or... I don't know. Hit someone? I know that isn't what Charles taught us but there are times when I wonder how long we can remain peaceful. How long before we have no other choice but to fight or be killed?

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Kitty Pryde

February 2025

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